A Girl In The Corner

My Past, My Comfort

    Once, there was a girl. She was always in a corner. The corner of her room, of her parent's room, of the kitchen, of the MRT, of the toilet, and of the classroom. Why is she always in a corner? Does she love the corner of every room? Corners to her were her home. It was a place where she could cry, hide, and feel safe. Why safe? Because there was two walls and ground to build a stable fortress to shield her from her nightmares.  She always dreamed about getting attacked by people, used by people, and ultimately, abandoned by people. She was scared and built that fortress. The fortress then became a space where she felt warm and comforted. She felt very safe to the point that she began to create her own world - a world where justice prevails, evil falls, and true love always wins. Soon, that world she created became her reality.

    As time went on, she turned thirteen and met some new friends. However, she realized she could never fit in. Why? Because she was too righteous - always exposing the people who cheated, told a lie, and bullied the weak. She became the source of entertainment for the bullies. They would call her "Miss right", "Teacher's pet" or even "Goody-two-shoes". Every day was a battle for her; she would retaliate against her bullies and find ways to make her appear strong, but the truth is, she cried every night in the corner of her room before going to bed. Haunted by her nightmares again, and again, she sought refuge in the corner. 

    As time passed, she learned that she could never be too righteous and decide to ignore everything that she used to deem wrong. However, the bullying never ends. This time, they made fun of her faith and relationship; they mocked, "You reject a guy because he wasn't a Christian? So, lame!" At that time, she liked a guy was who a year older than her and had met him from her church because of her feelings of that man she could not accept another man's confession. However, fearing that the man who confessed could not understand her feelings, she decided to use her religion as a way of rejection. Little did she know, it would become a source of entertainment for her bullies because the man who confessed could not accept the reason and went around her school, spreading the word about it. As a result, she made a hasty decision and got attached with her senior, a non-Christian, thinking that the bullying will stop. Instead, it sparked an uproar in her school. She was then labelled, a 'liar'. Again, she went into her fortress - crying and waiting for time to pass. 

    Three years later, after the uproar had settled down, she broke up with her senior. As she endured her senior's accusation of her being a gold digger, her best friend - who was the guy she liked, comforted her. She thought that maybe true love had come for her. Since that day, she was spending time with him almost every day. She did not confess instead; she slowly took her time to know more about the guy.  The girl chose to wait for him despite not knowing how long it would take. As she waited, time passed, and she was no longer going back to her refuge. Step by step, she came out of her fortress to embrace the reality of the actual world. 

    Another year had passed, and the guy confessed to her. She was happy and overjoy but slightly unease so, she said, "Give me time to think ", and the guy accepted her request. She thought for weeks then she concluded, "Let's wait for each other until you finished army", and the guy being unable to comprehend what the girl was thinking and was not in any mood to hear her explanations, he asked for alone time. What happens next? The guy ignored her text, call, and messages for weeks, and the next time the girl saw him, he was attached to another girl. Traumatized and brokenhearted, she went into her hiding place and cried. Since then, she was walking around the earth - soulless and empty. She tried every way to find back her strength but to no avail. Until she met, a boy. 

    This boy was born in the same year as her. He was playful and mischievous, but she fell in love with him because the boy was able to understand her pain.  However, upon being scarred by her last love, she was afraid of another failed relationship. Hence, she decided to hide her feelings and be his friend. She spent some days talking to him face to face and other days texting. The more they talked, the more realized that they were both broken people and had managed to pull through it. They started empathizing with each other, and soon enough, they both fell in love - a boy who is afraid of hurting his loved one and a girl who is scared of being abandoned by her loved one. They had many uncertainties about their relationship: "Will it last?", "Why do we keep fighting?", "Why do I keep hurting her?", and "Am I too much that he will abandon me?" But they continued to love each other despite it all. Why? Because the boy believed in the girl's love and the girl believes that she will marry this boy. 

    Why did the girl believe so much in this boy? What did she see in him that made her have so much faith in him? The reason is despite being a broken person - feeling unworthy and unloved, this boy extended out his hand to her and pulled her out of her corner. The girl finally saw hope, light, and a beautiful world despite it's dark, cloudy and rainy days. And what about the boy? As the girl found her hope, the boy who thought he was unworthy to be loved found his hope too, and together, they both went on an adventure experiencing and braving every storm and sunshine. 

    " Dear beloved,
        No matter how many arguments we have, we always believe, love, and hope for each other. I was afraid of a failed relationship and ended up being absolutely scared of you running away but you kept on proving to me that you did not. I was imperfect in many ways, but you cherish me, nonetheless. Just like you, I had many worries, concerns, and fears but at the end of everything, we both chose to love. And for that, I am eternally grateful to you. I love you and let's keep holding hands forever.

Your dearest, 

The Girl Out of The Corner "