A Love That Was Too Much

"You love me too much."

    Honestly, I never knew that love could be "too much". I always thought that it should not be limited. Meaning to say, "giving your all" to the person but I was told that the love that I have displayed and known was too much. My love was suffocating and selfish. My idea of loving someone is about sacrificing time, waiting for the person, spending time with the person, and thinking of the person but I was wronged. Why? Because all these things were done out of fear. The fear of losing the person, and the fear of the relationship going downhill. As a result, the relationship became toxic.

    When I first heard those words, I was unable to comprehend the meaning behind it but as time passed, I came to realize that I was not being selfless but selfish. I did not give time and space my partner needed to do the things he wanted neither did I recognize his efforts in the relationship because his love was not on par with min. That's when I came across the term "smother" whereby the relationship seems unconditioned but in fact, deep down, it is selfish because one person is being "selfless" due to insecurities. Just like that, I could relate. In the end, I broke down and prayed.

"Agape Me"

As I broke down and cried to God, He said that to me. I realized that I needed to redirect my too much love to God. The love that was too caring, too kind, too selfless, and too much for a human to handle, God can handle it, and as I pour my love to Him, He will teach me the right way to love humans without being insecure. 

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