The Fear In Waiting

" I need space." 

    When I first heard those three words, it felt as though my whole world came crashing down. I never thought that a day would come when my boyfriend would ask me to give him the time and the space to think about the relationship's arguments. I panicked. I called him, texted him, and even tried video calling him but to no avail. He did not respond in any social media platform either. My brain was in a total mess. 

     I cried, sobbed and wept, hoping that he would come to my house to find me but he did not. At that moment, I was engaged in a battle. Who knew waiting would be this difficult for me? The number of negative thoughts going through my head, the amount of anxiousness I felt, and the feeling of losing my insanity - all in one package, I have experienced it. 

     I was afraid of being abandoned. I was afraid that if I wait for him to respond, he would wander off and disappear. My mind was constantly signalling me that I am going to be abandoned while my heart was constantly hoping that he would appear at my doorstep. It was a struggled. Why? When my heart hoped for him to appear, my mind comes in and remind me of the chances he would leave me because I was not the perfect girlfriend that he could have. 

     However, one thing that remained clear in my conscious was my love towards him. Hence, the struggles still occur until now because I truly want to believe in him, but the fear that comes along with it, it is what I must fight. 

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